Always There

Dear Blog,

Been working for a month as a tuition teacher, i felt as if it's not the right calling. Yes, I'm working to save money to go there but some how I want to go now! Yesterday, someone came home, somehow I felt awkward around him. I kissed him but still i don't feel comfortable around him. Sorry, not that i hate him or anything, i do love him but i think deep down in my heart, i think i really hated the changes that occur in him and her. I really miss the old moment where things are the "norm" of "home". Now everyone lives in a different side of the "apartment". It cuts my heart really deep knowing i can't do anything because this is out of my control, but I have found someone who just told me to "hang on". It's not easy to hang on to things you know take times to change. People are so easy to adapt to new life just right after an argument or just a little misunderstanding, well i can't because it's just not the same feeling we used to feel among each other. Even though i let go some of my precious angels, they have no idea how much i miss them in my heart because of the memories we had. Now, I am holding on to my Big Brother and Mother and really hoping that someday, my little prayer will be heard, i know, who am i to ask God or even to beg Him for things. He's God but i love Him and Mother too much that i prefer to go confession to confess the same sins over and over rather to say "no" for infinity. I feel as if I am trapped in this canoe in the middle of the sea and everyone else are on small islands that I have to choose to go visit unlike before where the small islands are combine as one big island filled with Love, now, just hatred and revenge and scandals. I know complains are just not right but i really need a friend that can hug me tightly, Jesus and Mom, I need a hug. My tears are just to painful to let go nowadays, I do not know who will ever be there as my real friend on earth. I got Jesus and Mary, They had walk on earth and I am living on a place that's sacred but i need a friend to talk to. The Song from Canadian Tenors titled " Always there " really express how Jesus and Mary means to me but now, i need a friend on earth that really knows myself and spirituality and knows well that I am having a spiritual warfare that only God and Mary can helped me. I'm begging to God with my whole heart all the time that I'll be He's 100% but not everyone can understand but God will give a way.

" When I am less than I should be
And I just can't face the day
When darkness falls around me
And I just can't find my way
When my eyes don't clearly see
And I stumble through it all
You I lean upon, you keep me strong
And you raise me when I fall

You are there when I most need you
You are there so constantly
You come shining through
You always do
You are always there for me

When life brings me to my knees
When my back's against the wall
You are standing there right with me
Just to keep me standing tall
Though a burden I may be
You don't weary, you don't rest
You are reaching out to carry me,
And I know I'm heaven blessed
.
You are there when I most need you
You are there so constantly
You come shining through
You always do
You are always there for me


You are there when I most need you
You are there so constantly
You come shining through
You always do
You are always there for me


You are there when I most need you (you are there)
You are there so constantly (so constantly)
You come shining through
You always do
You are always there for me

For me

"

B